PHOTO OF THE MONTH
Ever wonder what happens when a nail gun goes berserk?
Well, now you know.
You're welcome.
WEIRD SITE OF THE MONTH
P-P-P-Powerbook
Ebay scammer runs head-long into karma when he tries to scam an especially creative Ebayer. Brilliant!
ABSOLUTELY INSANE EBAY AUCTION
Grizzly Armor!
Yes, boys and girls, now you too can be just like your favorite grizzly bear-baiter! For the low, low price of $5,500.09 you can don your very own genuine Ursus Mark VI bear suit and set out in the wilderness for fun, adventure and certain death!
Concerned that it might not be 100% safe? No worries, because the suit was "built totally out of Hurtubise's mind, with no blueprints, drawings or schematics." Which by my calculations renders it about 5% safe. The 5% from the fact that you might just have a few seconds to escape when the grizzly bear stops to point and laugh at your getup before deciding to use you as a giant chew toy.
How to cause 725 million dollars worth of damage in 3 easy steps
Step 1: Be born a complete idiot
Step 2: Walk into ammunition warehouse
Step 3: Light cigarette.
At least give him points for originality
Man shoots another man in the head 3 times and says a tornado made him do it.
When God overspends his special-effects budget
Cardboard painting of Jesus weeps "tears" in Texas.
Now here's a sentence you won't read very often:
"A Utah woman says an insurance snag left her without a portion of her skull for months." Her insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the surgery to replace the missing part because it wasn't deemed an emergency. If losing part of your skull isn't an emergency then what is? Based on that logic, I suppose if you lost an arm or leg it wouldn't be an emergency either since you still have one left. Her insurance policy must read like a horror novel.
Paul McCartney frightens cats, small children
Okay, so he doesn't really scare small children. But his singing does disturb the neighbors' cats who live near the studio where he rehearses causing the owners to complain.
A stitch in time saves, uhh, a bird in the hand...
I'm sure there's a stupid joke in there somewhere. While I look for it, go and read about this amazing cockatiel who taught himself to sew with his beak.
A demon engulfed my homework in flames
Ahh, let us harken back to the innocence of our youth and harmless school pranks. Thumbtack in the teacher's chair, Kick me signs, pulling the fire alarm, faking a demon possession...
Natural causes=26 stab wounds to the chest
Terminally ill millionaire found dead in his home. At first it was assumed he had died of natural causes, despite the fact he had 26 stab wounds to the chest. Then, they decided it must have been suicide. Authorities found his suicide "baffling" because of the lack of a murder weapon at the scene, except for a pair of tweezers, which may or may not have been the weapon of choice in the murder/suicide/accident. Oddly enough, one of the main suspects in the murder (if it was a murder, which they haven't decided yet) was the deceased man's accountant who was an avid stamp collector and presumably someone well-versed in tweezer use. No one has yet raised the possibility that the man may have simply fallen on his tweezers. 26 times.
About the only thing the authorities know for sure is that the old man is dead. Unless he faked it...
And that, boys and girls, is what we call I-R-O-N-Y
DA officer shoots himself in the leg during a school demonstration on gun safety.
Darwin Award applicant
Swedish man run over and killed after "Jackass"-esque stunt. There's a reason the show is called "Jackass".
And the Understatement of the Year award goes to:
The spokesman for the hospital in England who replied, "Operations should be carried out so that does not happen." in answer to a question about a patient who's stomach fell out into his lap after he had abdominal surgery.
Conspiracy theorists, brace yourselves
The Mexican air force not only admits to encountering several UFOs but also willingly releases video footage of them. Someone in charge told the truth! What could that mean? Maybe it's a coverup. A reverse conspiracy. A coverup of a coverup...
Brutally honest personal ads
Now here's something refreshing--honesty. That's what makes it weird.
"Ohhh, you said MP3 player, I thought you said deadly weapon!"
Man wins auction for MP3 player. He got a handgun instead. Wonder what he would have gotten if he'd bid on a stereo. A shoulder-mounted rocket launcher?
Supernatural breasts
Fortune-teller believes her breast milk is bestowed with magical powers. Of course, she also believes that she's a fallen angel cast out of heaven for having an affair with another angel, so I wouldn't put much stock into her magic boobies story.
Ancient weather map
A map drawn in 1539 may show the path of ocean currents 400 years before they were discovered. Debate is raging whether the ocean front lines are genuine or just randomly drawn doodles put in the margins of the map to fill up space.
Just in case you were running out of stupid things to be paranoid about...
Beware of flying fish! They'll put your eye out, literally.
There's a snake in his pants and it does a crazy dance
Man goes, uhhh, nuts and umm, takes matters into his own hands. Read at your own risk.
Pentecostal preachers offer fellow airplane passengers comforting words after take-off
Words like, "Your last breath on earth is the first one in heaven..." Oddly enough, Pentecostal preachers aren't known for the keen sense of timing.
Who ya gonna call?
Yeah, yeah, YOU try thinking up a new witty description every time. Ghostbusters are called in to prove or disprove the existence of ghosts in an English dockyard. But that's not the spooky part. The dockyard is also home to the only working gallows in the entire country, possibly the world.
Chinese man carries out 10 year long personal vendetta
Against flies. He's killed millions of them because he blames them for a failed business deal. Wow, I'm gonna try that method. Next time I miss a deadline, I'm blaming insects. The noise of the crickets outside broke my concentration, the spider in the bathroom scared me, the tiny little gnat dive-bombing my head drove me insane...
Three pound rats invade Kentucky!
There's even video footage. I'm so disturbed I can't even think of any witty remarks.
It was a dark and stormy night
And poorly-photoshopped ghosts wandered the halls of the spooky old castle.
When elk turn into juvenile deliquients
Apparently they resort to stealing bicycles.
Rusher the Hamster
Lucky hamster avoids death by vaccum cleaner because his fat butt wouldn't fit through the hose. I couldn't think of a more descriptive turn of phrase than that, sorry. Rusher deserves better, but alas, my creativity is waning. Plus I was simultaneously appalled and amused at the thought of a fat hamster sucked up in a vaccum cleaner.
This year's Dumbass Award goes to:
The moron who had the bright idea to embed a flawless and rare diamond in the hood of a Formula One race car. Needless to say, the car crashed and the priceless diamond was lost. The dumbass is, presumably, still around.
And finally,
I leave you with the Naked Man in a Maze puzzle to amuse yourself with until the next installment of the Weird Files. And no, no matter which way you turn him you can't see his naughty bits. Just thought I'd save you a bit of time.
