PHOTO OF THE MONTH
When hornets attack: Film at 11:00!
30 hornets go on a murderous rampage and massacre 30,000 innocent honeybees and it's all caught on tape. (Video link) Very disturbing to watch.
WEIRD SITE OF THE MONTH
Redneck Vampire
Is it real? Is it a big joke? Who cares? It's REDNECK VAMPIRES!! With real fangs!
* This site is full of adult content and strong language but what do you expect? He's a 112 year old redneck vampire and proud of it, goshdarn it!
ABSOLUTELY INSANE EBAY AUCTION
ETERNAMAG
WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE FOREVER FOR A ONE-TIME ONLY SMALL FEE OF JUST $16.95?????? Err, sorry...I think I caught the "all caps makes whatever I write look extremely intelligent and important" virus from this eBay page.
The magical magnet rings presented here supposedly give the wearer immortality and there's even testimonials from satisfied customers--saying what, exactly? "I'm wearing the ring and I'm still alive! Yay!" How exactly do you know if the ring works or not? If you drop dead, then it doesn't work? And if you live for another 100 years and then take the ring off, will you instantly drop dead and crumble to dust? There's also a money-back guarantee if the ring doesn't work for you. I suppose your next of kin would have to collect on that. Better hurry though, there's only 6 more ETERNAMAG rings left. And if you miss out on this great opportunity, don't worry--there's an ETERNAMAG dispenser conveniently located in your nearest grocery store. And it'll only cost you 25 cents.
At least there's no argument who's Shirts and who's Skins
The ever-inventive authorities in Thailand have found a way to curb gambling in prison--organizing a prisoners vs. ELEPHANTS soccer match. It's not exactly clear how this is supposed to stop the gambling, although I suppose if one is trampled flat by an elephant then one can't continue to gamble.
Mildred, Mildred, how does your rock garden grow?
Elderly woman is convinced a rock she found in her yard mysteriously grows year after year. She calls it a "gift from God" but her grandkids probably call it "Pulling a fast one on Grandma".
End of the world conspiracy theorists, get out your tinfoil hats!
City-sized asteroid to harmlessly pass earth or crash into earth and trigger the end of civilization as we know it, depending on which theory you ascribe to. If you are a rational person, you will take heed of the astronomers who predict that while the comet, named Toutatis, will come closer to earth than any comet in the last century, it will not hit us. Or, you can start gathering up canned goods and camping supplies in anticipation of the end of the world, as some internet conspiracy theorists are suggesting. Just don't forget that all-important duct tape!
Serial Killer Elephant buries the evidence
A Kenyan elephant buries the bodies of two people she trampled.
And in other animal serial killer news...
The mysterious case of horse throat-slashings has been solved. The culprit? A horse who apparently aspired to become the Ted Bundy of the equine world.
Don't laugh, you might have done the same thing
Okay, laugh, but just a little bit, at this very amusing courier delivery mix-up.
And the Understatement Award of the Month goes to:
The investigator who explained, "I guess she just bit down too hard," about the case of the woman who bit part of her boyfriend's tongue off during a rather passionate kiss. Good thing they were only kissing...
Chest hair insurance
A big movie star in Britain who would rather remain nameless (can't imagine why!) recently bought insurance to cover accidental loss of his chest hair. It doesn't cover acts of God, such as exposure to radiation or acts of terrorism, which is unfortunate, because as we all know, terrorists frequently target the chest hair of pompous self-indulgent, delusional movie stars.
Teleporting atoms
In an amazing teleportation breakthrough, scientists successfully manage to "beam up" atoms from one location to another. No word on whether or not that lead to the atoms wearing tight blue shirts, making out with every single female guest star and overacting...with big...dramatic...pauses.
Superbaby!
Strange genetic mutation turns child into a human anomaly with adult muscle strength and the ability to leap swing sets in a single bound.
Corpse Flower webcam
Watch the UConn world-famous stinky Corpse Flower bloom in real-time. And if you get caught at work watching it, you'll have the excuse, "but it's educational!" [View the live webcam]
SpaceShipOne
While the rest of us were sprawled on the couch flipping back and forth between Family Guy and a Real World rerun and eating Cheezits (okay, so that was just me), Mike Melvill was making history hovering in suborbital space 62.5 miles above earth during the first flight of his space plane.
Congratulations! It's a zonkey!
In what sounds like the result of a drunken "sounded good at the time" idea, ("Hey, I wonder what would happen if we put the miniature horse in the same pen with the really horny and lonely zebra?"), the world's first zebra/horse cross is born.
Dead outlaw harassment continues
In the umpteenth attempt to prove Billy the Kid's heritage, someone else plans to exhume his remains once again for DNA testing. Now all they need is Geraldo to be present at the opening of the grave and broadcast it live on TV. Hasn't the poor Kid endured enough already?
Smudge on the camera lens or photographic proof that the alien overlords are preparing to overtake earth?
I vote "smudge".
"Frail, wrinkled but still working"
Is how this article describes the world's oldest living person, a 126 year old Lebanese woman who still works full-time on the farm. I don't know about you, but between her and the Space plane guy, I'm starting to feel downright lazy.
Paranormal slump
Maybe this is why it's been harder and harder to find enough weird stories to fill the Weird Files every month. Lately, I've resorted to writing about homicidal elephants and "zonkeys".
But maybe they were cocaine-covered cats
Drug-sniffing dog shirks his duty and is distracted by cats during a drug search.
Attack of the drink machines
Bizarre accident turns drink vending machine into a deadly weapon.
Looking for a new home? Got $180,000? Believe everything you read?
If so, then I've got the perfect place for you. You can buy your very own English moor complete with prehistoric carvings and rock piles a la Stonehenge. Dark, creepy manor on the hill and Heathcliff not included. And did I mention that you will also acquire your very own gang of mystical beings? The property is rumored to be home to pixies.
Ever wonder what might happen if you really piss off the Little Mermaid's father?
Well, here's a full-color demonstration. Man is harpooned through the skull and lives to tell about it. Or more accurately, lives to sue the hell out of the idiot who did that to him.
He, umm, shot himself in the back...yeah, that's it!
A man facing a murder charge claims that the man he is accused of killing somehow managed to shoot himself in the back with an assault rifle. Ever wonder how the judge in cases like this manages to keep a straight face when his lawyer makes uses that as a defense? Just once I'd like to see a judge bang his gavel and declare the trial over and throw the guy in jail for murder with a few years tacked on just for being a dumbass.
"No, Archdruid that's MY pot pie...err, Stonehenge!"
In a ridiculous argument worthy of South Park spoofing, a Welsh Archdruid wants Stonehenge returned to Wales, its "rightful home", despite the fact that Stonehenge has stood in the same spot for thousands of years. He says his official claim was made on behalf of "my fellow druids, bards and the rest of my Welsh compatriots". I assume that only includes the ones that don't think he's bat-shit insane.
Karma Police
Or Karma Judge, rather. Woman found guilty of neglecting horses is sentenced to "bread and water" and jail time. Now that's justice.
