PHOTO OF THE MONTH
This is a rabbit. This is a rabbit on steroids.
Any Questions?
WEIRD SITE OF THE MONTH
Freaks of the Reptile World
Do you lie awake at nights dreaming about two-headed snakes or five-legged lizards and "Five Lined Two Tailed Skinks"? If so, then you need to find a hobby. In the meantime, check out this nifty site chock full of reptilian freaks of nature.
ABSOLUTELY INSANE EBAY AUCTION
"Rubber Ducky, you're the one! You make bath time lots of fu..aaaaahh!"
Sorry, bidding is now closed on this one but I am sure another haunted bathtub item will appear soon. There certainly seems to be a market for it. You know, the market that targets the large "gullible people who have too much money and will buy anything based on a clumsily made-up story" demographic among EBayers. The seller states at the end of his long, rambling possessed rubber ducky case history that "I will not be responsible for the duck after shipping, I will not field questions or help to explain its unusual mystique." Where else but EBay would you be able to read a statement like that? Rubber ducky mystique... Ahhh, I love EBay.
Mystery Creature in Maryland
Red Fox? Hyena? Chupacabra? Strange-looking dog with serious fur issues? Blatant attempt to up tourist interest in Maryland? You decide.
Moon of Saturn or...The DEATH STAR?
Proof that apparently George Lucas astrally projects himself into outer space for inspiration.
Ancient and deadly microbes awakened in polar ice cap, world-wide chaos ensues
Or perhaps I've been reading too many wildly implausible sci-fi "end of the world" books lately. Researchers find two hidden lakes deep beneath the surface of Antarctica which may contain new forms of microscopic life.
Interestingly enough, one of those many wildly implausible sci-fi books I'm so fond of has a strikingly similar plot to this news story. Check it out if you are so inclined: Ice Hunt. Good quick read if you can suspend your sense of reality and disbelief. Also has one of the most satisfying endings I've read in a long time.
Bigfingers?
Tired of all the bad publicity and ridicule surrounding modern Bigfoot research, an Oklahoma researcher finds new evidence. Bigfoot's fingerprints. How did he obtain such amazing evidence? Through a strict scientific method involving candy bars or popcorn in a cup hidden under a big rock that "only Bigfoot could move". The huge fingerprints were found on the the cup, which was presumably a Big Gulp.
Brain-damaged monkey exhibits human behavior
I've known some humans that walk like monkeys after having a few too many beers, but I suppose that's not quite the same thing.
HOGZILLA!
A 1,000 pound wild boar with 9-inch long razor-sharp claws was caught on film in Georgia. There is only one known photograph of the creature currently on display in the hunter's auto parts store and the hunter buried the carcass in his backyard after taking that one photo. And how does one catch a 1,000 pound wild boar with 9-inch razor-sharp claws? By using a clever blend of Photoshop and forced perspective, of course. Wild boars fall for that trap every single time.
When sheep go baaaaad
Sheep outsmart people in small English village by escaping their pens and figuring out how to cross sheep-proof grids. One resident was quoted as saying the sudden sheep uprising was "soul destroying", which I imagine is a misprint but it sure is a lot more entertaining to imagine soul-sucking evil vampire sheep on the loose rather than bored sheep looking for some good flowerbeds to trample.
Completely intact 18th century ship found on ocean floor
There are just no words to describe this properly. "Oh WOW" is probably a good start though.
Mystery animal craze sweeping the US
Another mystery creature shot and killed in Texas. Not even the local zoo officials could identify it. I'm just guessing here but I'm assuming the heat has just gone to these people's heads because it's not all that difficult to tell the difference between a Mexican hairless dog and a deer. That's it. Next time I see roadkill on the side of the highway, I'm gonna block the area off, snap a dozen pictures and call the local news to report a chupacabra sighting. Might as well cash in on my 15 minutes of fame the easy way.
If a squirrel screams in the forest and there's no one around to hear it...
More proof that squirrels are just weird. They talk to each other with high-pitched squeals that are out of the range of human hearing. They're plotting, I tell you. Plotting...
Oh #$!*
Firefighters use cow manure to smother a raging fire.
Moving statue
Religious state inside a church was reported to have cried and also moved by itself. You know, there's a very thin line between "miracle" and "creepy".
And in other manure news...dung stationary!
Two newsworthy manure stories in one month. What a world we live in!
Dover Demon goes on vacation
And takes a leisurely stroll through a park in Chile. Note the apparent lack of interest from the policemen and the horses. Also notice the serious expressions on the faces of the photographers as they point solemnly at the photograph on their computer screen. Yes, that screams authentic to me and not, say, BIG FAT HOAX.
*Special thanks to my friend Draxon who sat up late with me recently one night helping me poke fun...err, analyze the Dover Demon photograph*
Alien contact estimated to be within the next twenty years
If they really do exist, that is. And if they really want to bother contacting us. And as long as this scientist hasn't misplaced a decimal point in his equation somewhere.
The new mayor is a real ass
Small Colorado town elects a donkey as mayor. The donkey had no competition because one of his fellow nominees fell ill with colic and the other was running late due to a broken-down horse trailer.
Goldfish in bowls banned
Italian town bans putting goldfish in bowls because it will give the poor fish a "distorted view of reality". Funny, I always thought that goldfish in a bowl would have a well-rounded view of reality. Har, har.
Intergalactic Annie
Homeless woman believes she is a time-traveler from another world.
Toilets can kill!
Or at least maim. If you stick your head into the machinery of an electric one while it's still running. Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans will note the similarity between this poor guy's predicament and that of Carl, the hapless neighbor of the Aqua Teens who fell victim to a "Super Toilet" and lost his head. At least this guy didn't end up with a body made of leftover medical surplus eyeballs. Hmmm, maybe I do watch too much late-night TV...
"Have a seat sir, we'll call you as soon as you're dead."
Man dies in hospital waiting room while waiting to be seen.
Missing car keys. You'll always find them in the last place you look
In this case, inside your leg 15 years after losing them.
If you give a bear a cookie...
He'll most likely take your hand off. Especially if you are blindingly drunk in a zoo waving cookies over the polar bear fence.
Robots get creepier
Now they have skin that can feel.
Public Service Announcement!
World scheduled to end on September 29 of this year due to UFO-created world-wide earthquakes. Oh wait, you aren't bat-shit insane like the guy that came up with this goofy prediction? Oh well, never mind then.
And in the Who the HELL would spend money on THAT? Department:
Office-Thief proof coffee cup
It has a hole in the side with a removable cork. Brilliant design. Brilliantly stupid to be more accurate.
Something for all you candle lovers
Bacon-scented candles. Nope, not a typo. Bacon-scented candles! There's also lettuce and tomato-scented candles to complete the set.
